Day 3: you just gotta talk to people

It was tough naming today's post because this fine Gainesville day had a theme to it, but it ended with an experience so traumatic it was almost worthy of "title" status. Alas, "almost" is the operative word. But more about that later...

I set out from the Holiday Inn knowing it was gonna be a long one, so I fueled up with some water and an apple. From that point on it was, in order, sign in with the International Student Center, get my Gator1 card from the library, run by the registrar (dumb word, btw, who agrees?), eat lunch at Steak'n'Shake, zoome (that's French for "zoom") back to the apartment for bed reception, renew the car rental, sign up and pick up internet service equipment, pharmacy run, furniture run, grocery run. Gimme a sec, I'm out of breath..... (in the meantime, how the fuck is "gimme" not underlined in red right now? #internetage).

Here's something to look at so you don't get bored.... you know, lotta writing.

That's my humble abode. No, no, not the WHOLE thing. Check second floor, first door to the left of the pillar --> BOOYA.

Ok, so what did I learn today? Well, it's that you just gotta TALK to people.... Gainesville is considered a small town (100,000-150,000 people) and therefore exhibits stereotypical small town behavior, "hellos" in the streets to strangers and such. Off the bat, however, people aren't that talkative. But whether it's the near-retirement gentlemen at the parking booth who promised me his post-work hobby was going to be the gym, the internet clerk who's a 70-30 mix of Jack Black and Zack Galafanakis, or the grocery cashier complaining about what must have been menstrual cramps, all it took was a little conversation initiation and they lit right up. So much so that our talks often extended past whatever business I had standing there. What's more, they often went out of their way, whether a little or a lot, to help me out. Mr. Parking Booth told me I could park all weekend without paying, Jack Galafanakis showed me how to install my router and modem so I wouldn't have to pay for the service, and Ms. Menstrual gave me membership discounts when I didn't have a card! That isn't to say you chat people up to get shit from 'em (there were many conversations at many of my stops without said tangible "rewards"), but a little goodwill going out brings a little, or a lot of it, back to you. It's obvious you've heard this disguised version of "what goes around comes around" before. But did you know all it took was a smile, a "can you help me out, I'm new here", or a "how you doin' today, sir?"? That's it!
Granted, this is Gainesville, not New York, but I believe the lesson still stands, no matter how obvious it may seem. I just think we take the little pleasant gestures for granted. And consequently, we stop doing them.

I need to talk about Steak'n'Shake for a second. I like food, THAT'S simple. I like good food even better. But I also love gorging on garbage food (who doesn't?). I was apprehensive about restaurant selections coming here; Montreal is a foodie's paradise and the U.S., I've heard, is a ton of fast food. I don't want to take away from restaurants in this country, there is clearly an overwhelming selection of great ones here. BUT, Montreal is filled with quality middle ground spots, some higher end than others, that are neither fast food, nor fine cuisine. Think Madison's, Baton Rouge, Scarolie's, Del Frisco's, Jack Astor's, any affordable sushi place, or all of St-Denis. There is definitely less of that here. My first fast food experience here was therefore a big step for me. At any rate, there's the meal, and it was pretty good! Guacamole burger with cheese and the usual fixings with some funky southern sauce. A salad with no-fat ranch dressing, and my favorite, unsweetened iced tea. The bread was fresh, almost to the point you'd think they stuck it in the steamer, the salad was meh as they all have been, and the guacamole on the burger was a pleasant surprise. The food arrived quickly and the servers were attentive. I must say, for a first time experience this trip, I'm happy. And then the bill, heheh. I knew what it would be, but just seeing these pictures in order still amazes me. I can't believe this country.








It was then time to dress the apartment, partially at least. The bed arrived with some bookshelves, and like a boss home owner, I was prepared. As you can see FANTASTIC pillowcases. I know, I was quite impressed with myself as well. As for the foreground, just a little bit of new love there, as well as some old. BUT, that wasn't the first piece of furniture in the apartment, no no no. Take a look at the next photo. That right there, is the first piece of furniture.... if you can't see it, don't worry. Just locate the shit stain on the carpet on the right lower portion of the photo and move left about a foot or two. See it? Good. That hamper has the honor of first piece in the apartment. And it came at no small price. This hell spawned contraption is made of bendable plastic supports that coil up in the packaging. Upon opening it, the little bastard went all jack-in-the-box on me and punched me in the head. Yah, NO WARNING ON THE PACKAGE. Whatever Wal-Mart, whatever.















Ahhhhhh my next favorite stop on the tour, my beloved shower curtain. If you're wondering, yes I named the frogs: John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Thank goodness the Beatles were British, and not French, or I wouldn't be able to name them like that... frankly, it would be racist. On another note, I'm thanking my lucky stars I don't do drugs, because taking a dump with these bad boys staring at me might be something a human heart couldn't take.

The picture of the router, well it's nothing really, but as soon as I saw the sticker I thought: "if they had only replaced the words 'insert CD and run wizard first' with 'HAMMERTIME', it might just be the best router ever."

 So after all was said and done, I started moving the kitchen and bathroom supplies in, and it was nearing right around 9 PM. Here comes that trauma I was talking about. For some reason I walked into the bedroom and opened up the closet, and away ran this BEHEMOTH of a cockroach. It reminded me of my amazement every time I watch a linebacker rush the line: "how the hell does something so big move so fast?!" I won't say my life flashed before my eyes, but this thing had to die. When they told me I could have a roommate under special circumstances, this is NOT what I had in mind. He tried to run between the carpet and the door, but like a teen who doesn't know their own size, he forgot how big he was and got stuck there. A shoe? A broom? (Fuck, I don't have a broom yet.) A bookshelf, knife, elastic band?? What in Satan's name could I use to kill this thing??? My logic here had to include collateral damage: this thing had guts....no literally, it was huge and had high visceral volume! I didn't want to use something I'd have to peel a 3-foot intestine off of. So I settled on my empty modem box. I approached the door and wiggled it, and out he came again, like an idiot, running in no apparent direction. I SMASHED AND I SMASHED AND I SMASHED. Three smashes, the fucker was still good as new. SO I SMASHED AND SMASHED AND SMASHED AGAIN. Another three swings.
Immobile.
Victory.
I retrieved a plastic bag to slide him into (yah, this bastard needed a body bag). I used the bag to nudge him in AND HE MOVED.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????????????????????????????????????????????????
At this point I'm wondering if I'm going to get any sleep tonight. So this time I pinned him down with the box and ground him into the carpet. The fact the carpet has some bounce to it probably didn't help my case. Eventually he stopped moving and I finally slid him into this bag. But now on his back, his legs were still kicking! There was no way I was going to let this turn into some twisted cockroach version of Dawn of the Dead; this asshole was NOT coming back to get me. I used the box to lop his head off in the bag. I then managed to rip a few legs off and pop his body. The carnage can be viewed in the picture. Quick Kids Game: try to identify which piece is which!
I think I still saw an antenna on the decapitated head moving, but I'll attribute that to residual neural signals and sleep soundly.
Whew. Not gonna lie, (are you kidding?? "gonna" is also a valid English word??) I was a little shaken after the encounter. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right??

Anyway, this post has gone on long enough. I am le tired and so probably, are you. Hopefully I'll make a friend tomorrow so my next post can have something other than food and creatures in it. For now, I bid you good farewell and good morning.
**Cue "Fix You" by Coldplay

-Montreal Gator

Ps. That's my ride. Booya.